Best Date Ever

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Divorce Humor for the Holidays

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The Divorcées Holiday Wish List

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 (See what we did here? One of our favorite divorcées!)

The holly jolly season is upon us.  It’s a time for family gatherings, mistletoe and gift exchanges. Love is in the air. Unless you’re in the middle of a divorce, recently divorced, a single mom, and broke. Then it’s more like the hide-under-the-covers-and-pretend-it’s-not-happening-so-you-don’t-have-to-face-family-or-buy-gifts-season.  But don’t give in! Instead, take full advantage of your unfortunate turn of life events and let your pitying friends and family to spoil you silly.  Seriously. You deserve it!

But you can’t just ask for random items. Be smart about your request list.

Suggestions:

Costco/ BJS/ wholesale retailer membership: This is the gift that keeps on giving discounts and is especially great if you have children. Once the membership fee is taken care of, you can shop and score savings year-round.  It’s worth it for the paper towels, toilet paper, pet food (I love the Kirkland grain-free sweet potato dog food), garbage bags, laundry detergent, coffee and cleaning products alone. Buying in bulk also means less trips to the store and more time for yourself!

Massage gift certificates: Find a retail chain like Massage Envy and request a membership or gift card. Massages are a great stress relieving indulgence and eliminate toxins in the body. So technically, this gift contributes to your health and wellness. Bonus: you can request a hot dude masseuse. When this guy’s hot oily hands are rubbing your back, you won’t even think of your ex!

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Luxury skin care products: You can ask for a facial gift certificate or you can just request products the pros use and pamper yourself at home year round for the same price of one spa visit.  G.M. Collin is my favorite. I was first introduced to this line from my aesthetician and whenever I had special events she would sneak me samples to use at home. Since I have super sensitive skin, I love the Rosa-Sea Gel Cream, which reduces redness and reactivity. It also smells great and covers up the stench of the apple cider vinegar toning concoction I use daily! Use tiny dabs of this cream and one bottle should last you well over six months. More great products are the Daily Ceramide Comfort capsules and the Phyto Stem Cell and Cream, which improves fine lines and hydration and makes your makeup glow! Use sparingly and make them last even longer. Do at-home monthly facials and you’re set!

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Image courtesy of Jusani Culture.

A shelter dog: Ok, so this would technically have to be a gift for yourself since you’ll need to sign the paperwork, pick your breed and get clearance from your landlord. However, a relative can cover the donation cost. You’ll not only save a life, but also gain a new best friend and social partner. Just imagine dog parks in the summer and all the hot, shirtless guys exercising beside their four-legged friends. Instant icebreaker! And dogs make really good cuddle partners on lonely winter nights. Hello, Petfinder.com!

A camera: You’ve got an exciting new life ahead of you and each moment should be captured. Planning a girlfriend getaway to celebrate your divorce? You’ll need to document it! You can even do your own trash the dress style photo shoot on a budget with friends! Recommended brands are Nikon and Canon. Direct gift-givers to B&H Photo online or take advantage of your new Costco membership and purchase one for yourself.

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Home Décor from Etsy: Decorate your divorcette pad with crafty items from Etsy designers. Use the site’s wedding registry service to create your must-have list. Who cares?! Your ex probably got half the stuff on your wedding registry anyway. This time you don’t have anyone breathing down your neck saying your choice is ugly. Pick everything pink if that’s what your heart desires!

Victoria’s Secret Gift Cards: Because you have an exciting new sex life waiting for you, angel.

 

Every Divorcee Deserves This Pin…..

Divorce Novelty Gift: The Ex-Husband Doormat

Ever feel like stepping all over your ex-husband’s smug face? Well now you can, thanks to the ex-husband doormat from Forum Novelties. Fun idea, but would you really want to stare at his face every time you arrive at your divorcette pad? We say no, so use this as a one-time only divorce party welcome mat.

Recently Divorced…

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A subtle way to let everyone know.

Only $1.50.

“Ain’t No Wifey”

Thanks to Lindsay B. for sharing this awesome “Ain’t No Wifey” Dime Piece Designs tank top. Declare your status loud, fashionable and proud.

Freebird!

Celebrate your freedom with this hand painted, tattoo style necklace from WickedMinky on etsy.