How I Survived My Divorce Week

My divorce was not pretty. No, pretty isn’t the right word. My divorce wasn’t even a mediocre looking-something-or-other. It was a tornado of emotional turmoil that I often struggle to put into words. It’s the same, way too common, story…husband has some sort of existential crisis, finds some new lady to fill that void, and leaves his wife. What made my divorce extra difficult was not the legal and financial aspect, but emotional. After my husband split, a huge gray cloud of depression fell over my head and followed me everywhere I went. No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape. Because of that, I chose to cut contact with my ex except for brief emails about paperwork. I did this for 8 months, and after 8 months we had to see each other for the first time at our court hearing. When I got our summons for court my body flooded with anxiety. My feet started tapping and my stomach twisted into knots as I stared at the date and floor number of the courthouse. How was I supposed to face him?

My two worries was that I was either going to break down, cry, and drive my car into a lake next or say something hurtful, sassy, but honestly hilarious (insert mistress joke here). My logic told me I didn’t want to do either, so I worked like crazy to make sure I didn’t. I rehearsed our interaction in my head and then decided to make my divorce week the most kick ass week I could.

I first took some time off from work and traveled home to see the family. I had a lot of time to be with my biggest support system and get spoiled by my mom. I then went back to my home aka sexy single girl apartment with sexy cats.

The day before the court date I went to a custom jewelry shop and had some of the diamonds taken out of my ring and made into a pendant. This was a very exciting process. I didn’t want a sketchy pawn-star to rip off my expensive band of diamonds, so I chose to create something that will always remind me of this hardship and how you can pull anything apart and make it into something beautiful and new.

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Divorce day! The court process went smoothly. He said 3 words to me and I was bubbly and polite and even talked weather with the court officer. I didn’t cry or make any angry ex-wife comments. Pretty much, I kicked ass and took names. I then walked a few blocks and got my divorce tattoo.

The quote is from one of my favorite songs by my favorite band, “Bright Lights” by Placebo. It says “A Heart That Hurts, Is A Heart That Works.” That has resonated with me for a long time, but even more now. I often get stuck in why this divorce hurt so much, and why eight months later it still hurts. But really, it’s supposed to hurt, and if it didn’t hurt, that might be more worrisome.

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The day after divorce day. I had a party…a straight up glitter stiletto, way too many shots, and delicious divorce cake party. It was phenomenal. I invited so many people, expecting 2 or 3 to show up. But so many people came out of the woodworks to support and party with me. Besides the congratulatory air of the party, the highlight was the cake. I stole a few aspects of other divorce cakes I found on the web and created this masterpiece. No only was it delicious, but just about every bartender and other tavern-goers came to take a picture of it.

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For eight months I feared my divorce week. I imagined a week of emotional crisis, and to be honest, it might have been that kind of week if I didn’t plan such meaningful and fun events with the best group of people I’ve ever known. I suppose when life gives you lemons, get a tattoo and eat chocolate cake.

Bling, Bling, Tara made a necklace out of her ring!

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Trash the Dress member Tara recycled her old jewelry into wearable gems. The photos above details how she upgraded her high school class ring with her wedding band and then had her engagement ring made into a pendant.

Love this idea!

Check out Ashley’s Divorce Ring!

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Trash the Dress private online young divorce support group member Ashley is sailing towards an exciting post-marriage future. Here’s what inspired her divorce ring:

“When I started looking for a ring, I  knew I would end up with an anchor for a few reasons. I always saw my ex, who I met in high school, as my anchor and this is my reminder that he isn’t. The anchor was my college’s (Hope College!) symbol and served as  a reminder to be firmly anchored in hope . That’s something I have clung to. Every time I see it I’m reminded that I now have to be my daughter’s anchor because I’m her whole world.  I simply adore it.”

So do we, Ashley!

My Love Affair

I crossed the oceans and I opened my eyes onto the most magnificent sunrise imaginable over the Florida coast. It was in then that 36 hours of no sleep had no power over me. It was in that moment that the tears began to stream down my face.

I was in control of my life! I had done it and I had actually changed my destiny, my future.

I got on the plane in a total dream not thinking of the path I was walking, just floating. This wasn’t real, no never, but it was! And the dreams I had set before me were about to come true.

I sat down and the tears had to stream. I was saying good bye to the land I was born to; I was saying good bye to the pain. As we sped on the runway, I allowed myself to forgive. I gave myself this final chance to let go of the hurt that my past held on me. It was time for me to let go of all in order to open my heart completely to the new.

Stepping off the plane into the perfect ice air of that cold morning in Atlanta, Georgia always remain as one of the significant moments in my life. It was official- I was a woman, on a new continent, and baby this year I was going to be the woman.

Yes, you heard me right. I had decided what my future was going to be about. I let go of so much while I waited for my departure date that now it was time to refill my empty shell, to begin a new chapter.

This chapter just happened to begin with me embracing the woman I am, the woman I want to become, and the woman I dreamed of becoming.

I guess it’s best to start at the beginning.

Every little girl equates Prince Charming to her being a princess, and as we grow up the dream of our wedding and the family we will have and our babies this all links to one thing: how we see ourselves as women and how we seek approval. The perfect marriage means we are the perfect wife, right? That’s how I saw it. I dreamed of being the perfect wife in order to be the perfect woman. Well guess what? That did not quite work out as I had planned and rather resulted in me feeling like an absolute failure.

So, this year as I spread my “single” wings, I have decided to judge who I am as a woman by my own standards and not by those around me. I want to wear stilettoes when I feel sick, because it makes me feel better; I refuse to allow excuses to mold my attitude. I do what pleases me, and damn if I am going to cry over not getting my lipstick just perfect then I am going to cry, because that’s what begin the woman I want to be about.

I want to be girly…

I am tired of feeling ugly.

I am tired of not putting myself first, so even if it make me sound prissie, who cares? I spent three full years of my very young life feeling ugly every single second- I sure as hell won’t do that again.

I still have bad days but every day is a journey. This is why I got on a plane and flew right around the world, to challenge myself in every single aspect of my being.

I have been in the USA for little over a month. It has been the most liberating moment of my life, and has given me the perspective that I can tackle the world. I can do anything and I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to.

I have found love, a love that blows my mind every single morning. It’s a love affair that makes me scream with joy as I curl my toes. It’s the kind that has my heart racing and makes me feel so beautiful, in this love affair.

I am… in… love… with………………. MYSELF.

I never thought America would be the stepping stone in a love affair of life.

Food has become something that only heaven could be compared too.

I have never had a love affair with food, let alone when I feared eating while being married. Now, I embrace it. Coconut cream pie melting in my mouth is more succulent than most things I can envision.

Those beautiful stilettos slowly filling my closet or that tight black dress I wore last week… The moment I saw my reflection and I stopped and realized for the first time- in my life- I found myself beautiful. In fact, I found myself hot! I never ever thought feeling “hot” would be something I could experience.

As a woman, YOU need to feel magnificent. It’s part of who you are; it’s part of what makes you a woman. It is infinitely important to take something for yourself. It’s a fundamental aspect of life to give yourself a moment where it’s only you.

My past-life has been carved by the knife of hard knocks, the scars of a warped self-image dealt by the cards of bulling and poverty, a marriage focused on the relevance of things, the simple aspect of having to beg for exfoliating cream and taught me a hard lesson. It was time for a new life and it was time I created my new life. It would be all in my hear, head, and outlook.

I have gone from a very thin 89 pounds to a healthy, curvy 103 in one month and it has blown my mind!  I spent my life hating my size.

I have changed my life and I stepping forward every day in the task of remaining positive in all aspects.

It’s been the most joyous time, not only for my personal growth, but finding a land that I absolutely love.  I am slowly gaining new friends, secret love affairs with chipmunks, cardinals and squirrels, deciding to study again and opening my Pandora’s box of passion, finding what I want in my future. My career now has options. Falling for a man, that commands my respect as he honours me with his every single action.

Within all of this is the acceptance that I have the “victim” attribute attached to my personality, I can easily dwell and cry on all the things I wish for, but my life is different now, and in aid of reminding myself of the beauty of my changes in attitude and personal approach, I decide to invest in something very precious to me.

Many years ago, I had a dream of a sapphire ring, and in the dream a voice whispered that this ring would be required to remind me of my strength, my light and the happy spirit within me.

I never got to buy that ring, as life had other plans, but on the 05/06/2013 I found my ring. I found the ring to celebrate my personal beauty, to celebrate the joy of being who I am:

 

This is my sapphire ring. This is my love affair with who I am. She isn’t perfect and she isn’t worth a million dollars, but in my eyes she is worth the world and she is every single bit just as beautiful as she needs to be.

She will always remind me to only judge and love by the standards I set before me, because I am the only one who can love me, the way I need to be loved.

I guess you could say, I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman I have realized I can be, if I work hard and put every single bit of me into my world, the outcome is a life that is splendid in its beauty.

Katie’s Divorce Ring

Trash the Dress private online support group member Katie just purchased this sparkler to celebrate her divorce. She chose a diamond because it’s her son’s birthstone. “I feel like this ring is a perfect way to honor him and our new life,” says Katie.

She elaborates, “My husband walked out when my son was four days old.  Over a year later our divorce is finalized. My little boy, Atticus, is what kept me going through it all. I think this ring is a perfect symbol of our new life together. It reminds me of my favorite poem and gives me strength: “I carry your heart with me…”

Lovin’ it? Get this similar ring from Kay Jewelers.

Put a (Divorce) Ring on It

Sometimes the only thing you really miss about being married is your wedding ring. So forget about it and buy a right-hand ring. There’s no better time: Zales is having a sale! Here are a few budget-friendly sparklers to consider:

 

Orig. $109.99
Now $99.99
Orig. $279.00
Now $237.15
Orig. $229.00
Now $194.65
SUPPORT AND SPARKLE. Help save  the lives of animals with the purchase of this ring!
Orig. $119.00
Now $101.15
Orig. $129.00
Now $109.65

Ring in the New Year

The Divorcee’s New Year’s Resolution: Do what makes you happy. Indulge, inspire, chase your goals, be honest with yourself, learn, live and love.

Start by pampering yourself with a right-hand ring.   You don’t need to break the bank to light up your life with a little sparkle.

Check out these options below and head to Trash the Dress’s Divorce Rings board on Pinterest to find out where you can purchase each ring (or at least hunt for a replica!)

Heartbreaker!

Who says diamonds can’t mend a broken heart?