That time I inspired a lyric in a Cash Cash song

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Cash Cash released the video for “Surrender” this week and as I was watching it, I reflected back on their old song, “I Have One Regret.”  Back when the band was working on the Love or Lust album, I was talking to JP about relationships and told him he needed to make a good riddance list for his ex-girlfriend, as I had just done for my ex-husband. It inspired a lyric in the song!  Those of you who read my book “Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s” already know this story and have hopefully made a good riddance list of your own after reading that chapter, but I thought I’d post the song for you below! It’s a fun breakup anthem for anyone who has ever been cheated on.

Trash The Dress Divorce Anthem Playlist on Spotify

Listen to the Trash the Dress divorce anthem playlist on Spotify.

Big thanks to Trash the Dress member Julia for making this!

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Divorce Anthem: “Change in the Weather,” Aimee Allen

Here’s another from Aimee Allen’s album, A Little Happiness. She’s the queen of creating musical happiness from heartache!

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Lyrics you’ll love:

Aimee Allen, “Change in Weather”

I hit rock bottom,
Slapped and shot him,
Got him black and blue
He came back swingin’,
Didn’t know I was dealin’ with a devil in the things I do-ooh

But not today, not today
I’m gonna get a better life for me
I’m singin’ not today, not today
A reason to live alone

And I-I can do so much better
And I-I need a change in weather
And I-I can’t believe it’s true
But I’m finally over you

Yeah, I’m finally – over you
Yeah, I’m finally – over you

Slipped it in my drink,
It was the missing link,
Between being dead and being gone
Just when you think I’m beat,
I’m gettin’ on my feet,
And I’ll be dancing while you hear my song

All the way,
All the way,
All the way,
All the way down

I’ve never lions fed,
But I’m still stuffed in his mouth

And I-I can do so much better
And I-I need a change in weather
And I-I can’t believe it’s true
But I’m finally over you

Yeah, I’m finally – over you
Yeah, I’m finally – over you

You’re everything, that I love to hate
My own private, please stay
You’re everything, everything, that I love to hate
My own private – poh -lease stay

(Poh-lease stay, poh-lease stay, poh-lease stay
Poh-lease stay, poh-lease stay)
(Poh-lease stay, poh-lease stay, poh-lease stay
Poh-lease stay, poh-lease stay)
Yeah

And I-I can do so much better
And I-I need a change in weather
And I-I can’t believe it’s true

But I’m finally over you,
Yeah, I’m finally – over you
Yeah, I’m finally – over you
Yeah, I’m finally – over you
Yeah, I’m finally – over you
Over you…

Divorce Anthem: “On Vacation,” Aimee Allen

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I was driving to work this morning listening to “Change in Weather” by Aimee Allen and thought that it’s another great song of hers I need to post as a divorce anthem. Then, I came on our site and realized I never even posted her number one breakup celebration song, “On Vacation!” Total fail on my part. I love Aimee and you will, too!

Here’s “On Vacation.”

Lyrics you’ll love: “Everthing is good/  Now that you are gone/ I’m dancing with my records on/  I don’t cry about you any more/ I’m so much better than I was before”

Just for fun, here’s a live version from when I filmed my old Internet TV show, Planet Verge, with Aimee:

Happy 311 Day! Here’s how the band helped me through my divorce

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Happy 311 Day! March 11th is an annual, unofficial world-wide holiday in celebration of the band 311.

In my upcoming book, Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s, I discuss how I’m not very religious but I come from the church of rock ‘n’ roll. Lyrics are my Gospel and lead me through life. One of the first bands that really shaped my life was 311. I discovered them in high school at a time when I was really figuring out into which social category I fell. I was surrounded by the hip-hop crowd in middle school but high school exposed me to new and diverse personalities. I discovered that I was a bit of a chameleon, fitting in with the straight-edge skate and surf crowd, the creative arts/ journalism folk, the do-good volunteer activists and general “normal” people. I was a medley and needed music just as diverse as myself. Enter the rock/ reggae/ska/ funk/ alt/ jazz/ etc sound of 311. I never heard anything like them before and was immediately hooked the first time I heard the song “Down.”

I kept a notebook filled with every 311 song lyric that inspired me. One of my favorites has always been “Give that girl wings and that’s all that she wrote.”

Years later, as I was going through my divorce, two particular lyrics floated through my mind and assured me everything would be OK:

“You’ve got to trust your instincts and let go of regret. You’ve got to bet on yourself now star, ’cause that’s your best bet,” from the song “All Mixed Up.”

And “From chaos comes clarity,” from the song “From Chaos.”

When my marriage first ended, I was at rock bottom. However, I chose to dance in the dirt. Surviving the worst times of my life with a smile has today enabled me to celebrate the very best of times. Clarity– and my greater life plan– indeed emerged from chaos. The church of rock ‘n’ roll has never steered me wrong.

So today, I honor a band that has been beside me for years and always provided motivation, clarification and celebration.

 

 

Songs to mourn the end of your marriage

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While Trash the Dress advocates remaining positive and emotionally strong through your divorce, we do recognize that before you can get to that point, you have to mourn.

These songs are for those of you who are just sitting down (or maybe standing up and screaming) to have that dreaded talk. They are for those who just realized their marriages are over and are wondering how to tell their families and friends. And for those who are so heartbroken they can barely breathe.

First up is “Here Comes The….” by my favorite singer, Butch Walker featuring Pink. It’s one of the songs that was on my divorce playlist.

Lyrics you’ll love: “Here comes the heartache, the move out date, excuses for my friends. Here come the reasons I have to justify it was better in the end. Here comes the last night I’m gonna kiss you and the first night eating alone. Here comes the hardest thing we’ve ever known.”

My favorite breakup song of all time is “Breathe” by Greenwheel. I cried hysterically over this song when I broke up with my first love.

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Lyric you’ll love: “I’m alright, I’m alright/ It only hurts when I breathe.”

Of course there are a ton more tearjerkers but these are two that you most likely don’t know but totally should!

Songs to Celebrate Divorce: “Love, Marriage & Divorce” by Toni Braxton and Babyface

 

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When you here the name Toni Braxton what lyrics come to mind? With songs like “He Wasn’t Man Enough,” “Just be a Man About It” and “I’m Still Breathing,” it’s no wonder why countless women and divorcees find comfort in her music. The often-therapeutic vocals and tunes are relatable for those who have experienced the tragedy of divorce or loves lost. No one disputes it’s hard to go through but many agree Braxton’s music gives empathy and sympathy during those rough times.

While she has awed and wowed us with such music for years and given many of us a voice and strength, she has out done herself with help from none other than Babyface. Together these two powerhouse voices created music magic with the newly released album “Love, Marriage & Divorce” on Feb. 4th 2014.

I came across this album while searching for some new inspirations via iTunes. It’s 11 tracks depicting the journey of a relationship, the before and after.

It begins like a story straight from the track titled “Roller Coaster” about the struggles of falling in love and the changes that can occur within a relationship as people grow and evolve. It continues with tracks titled “Where Did We Go Wrong,” “I Hope That You’re Okay,” “I’d Rather Be Broken” and “Heart Attack.” A generally soft vocal album with the mix of an up tempo beat titled “Heart Attack” and the bitter sweet track titled “I Wish” all adding up to the album’s grand finale with the 11th track titled “The D Word.”

The album is sure to strike a heart string as well as a few nerves. It’s sure to be playing at future divorce parties for years to come and making many men crazy. Especially tracks like “I Wish” which is a lyrical laugh factory for any women who wishes an evil ex to get karma by way of his own misdoings. Face it ladies, we have all wished bad upon an ex, specially an ex-husband. We all relate to this in some way, break the ice and just admit it if so. It’s OK too, no guilt or shame needed. It maybe the R&B version of Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” track. This song is sure to have you turning the volume up higher in the car and to get you singing out loud. I say embrace it!

On the serious side however, I have enjoyed her voice and music since I was about 12 years old I was deeply moved by this musical artwork. It may sound like music to your ears with her sexy sultry voice and his smooth as silk voice making musical magic, however it should not only inspire the listener to grow and strengthen but I hope you take into consideration the social aspect of such an album. It’s easy to hear the divorce rate of marriages in the U.S. an outstanding 50% but to witness two artists coming together to write an entire album of 11 tracks about love, marriage and divorce, speaks volumes to the state of affairs.

I am a champion of a lasting, loving, faithful and equal marriage. Just because I have been married and divorced dose not mean I am one-sided here. I believe divorce is sometimes the only answer to a failed or failing marriage. So I am not condemning it, let that be clear. I believe in traditions, but I believe in magic and love outlasting all odds: “A cynic is a romantic who’s been broken hearted.”

Is marriage a thing of the past?

Have we lost sight in traditional values or family structures?

Are we so selfish in our own desires that we have become consumed with making only our selves happy?

Maybe it is none of these factors; maybe it’s all of them. I surely do not know. It saddens me that such an album has become reality in our world when marriage seems to mean so little to so many of us.

What does this teach our future adults, future generations? Will marriage be extinct? If divorce is made to look “appealing” to audiences with attractive young Hollywood making divorce look so good well yes, I would want to think, “If they can make it so easy so can I!” Consider how over the last 20 years violence has become the “norm” and kids see super heroes in action flicks that appear attractive and get the pretty girl and save the world. Kids may not always have it explained that violence and protecting others are a far different matter. Marriage is at risk of the same results when it is not valued. Every day a celebrity gets divorced, a family is torn apart or maybe just the adults relationship is destroyed. Regardless marriage has lost its value.

Don’t get me wrong though, I love Toni Braxton, I will continue to support her music. I just found it profound that an album devoted to such an issue was created. It is proof of the state affairs of the American marriage.

I hope women and men whether in a relationship, married, single or none of the above will listen to this and continue to share their thoughts in this wonderful album. Though it may appear I am unhappy about the albums release I must say I have mixed emotions. I am both happy that two artists came together to bring the journey to life for those who have gone or are going through a divorce. It is my hope that it also raises awareness to the state of marriages. I hope in years to come the 50 percent rate decreases because of my own first hand experiences when divorced when children are involved. It isn’t a light and easy ordeal. I am however also saddened by it because the rate of divorce is so high and it’s sad to hear how it’s portrayed in mainstream medias. I hope those who hear it will find strength and other comforts while listening as I believe that is what the artists intentions were in created and recording the tracks.

So as you conclude in your thoughts, I hope for those who are married or in relationships you use this album to also take the opportunity to talk about making the relationship stronger and better, which will ultimately make you both happier. That should be the goal in any relationship, happiness and love. Saying “I do” does not have to mean “I divorce” later on and it shouldn’t end up the next installment of Love, Marriage & Divorce. So my advice with all of this is simply, LOVE ON.

Music is the cheapest form of therapy

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Music has always been my best friend, getting me through hard times, wonderful times, and moments where I needed reminders of where I was going.  When my marriage ended, I again turned to music.  I have great family and friends, and although they were very supportive, they couldn’t provide the empathy that music could.  I found that my playlists began to follow the stages of grief that I experienced.  Sometimes I needed songs that were angry, sometimes I needed sad songs, and sometimes I needed a good “I’m the most amazing person ever and will be happy again” song.  Currently I’m feeling “life is better than I could have imagined” so my playlists are pretty happy.  However, it wasn’t very long ago when I needed a different type of song.  So I want to share some of my favorites and hopefully you can find them helpful in your journey.

A great angry song…(I’m a big fan of Christina’s, many of her songs were on my angry and empowering playlists).

“Shutup” by Christina Aguilera

This one reminded me of NOT missing the misery.. :)

“I Miss the Misery” by Halestorm

This one helped get me through some pretty dark times, I highly recommend her whole album.  Her album found me and I’m grateful for it everyday.

“Still that Girl” by Britt Nicole

Remember that even though you weren’t WITH a keeper, YOU ARE A KEEPER!

“I’m a Keeper” by The Band Perry

Lastly, along with “Girl on Fire”, this one always reminded me that this journey would make me/us even better.

“Brand New Me” by Alicia Keys

Did you celebrate divorce in your 20s by burning your wedding dress? This Burn Halo song is your anthem!

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It’s funny how songs take on new meaning as you listen to them at different phases of your life.  When Burn Halo’s debut album was released in 2009, I was busy celebrating divorce in my twenties by launching an online music show for my ‘zine, Planet Verge.  My book, Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s (pending publication), was a mere untitled thought in the back of my head. I couldn’t begin writing about how I survived my divorce until I actually made it through to the other side, which took about two years. So destroying my wedding dress—and the fact that women even did this—was not part of my reality, and maybe no one else’s either back then since the trend has only recently taken off.

Ironically, during that time, I interviewed Burn Halo and we talked briefly about relationship advice. One of the band members provided a gem: “Don’t get married until you’re 30.” Ha!

You can actually watch that on an outtake interview clip:

But back to the music.

The Burn Halo song “Gasoline” has been popping up on my iPod shuffle a lot lately and I can’t help but think of all you ladies who celebrated divorce in your twentied by burning your wedding dress. This is your anthem!

Listen:

Lyrics stolen from YouTube:

Burn Halo – “Gasoline”

My life should have been better
Its getting hard to keep it all together
But I know days like this will pass
Maybe I should have been a little different
Maybe you could have been more patient
Maybe we let it go too fast

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

You know baby you were my desire
But then you went and stepped into the fire
I know it got pretty bad
I thought we could make a little music
You know I never really thought that we would lose it
Maybe we let it go too fast

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory, yeah

You checked out from the moment
Didn’t think it was over
I gave you the best of me
Got my collection of photos
And an old box of letters
Gonna soak ’em up in gasoline

Down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
Every last memory (Every fucking memory)

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down (Every fucking memory)
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory (every least memory)

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down every last memory

I’m burning down, down, every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
I’m burning down every last memory

And wait! Watch a live performance of the acoustic version:

Butch Walker Sings About His Divorce at Age 22 in New Song, “I’ve Been Waiting For This”

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This morning Butch Walker released a new song, “I’ve Been Waiting For This,” from his upcoming EP, Peachtree Battle (out 9/17 | pre-order on iTunes; or cd/vinyl |out 10/22) and on it he sings about getting divorced when he was 22 years old!

I obviously love this because Walker has been a huge inspiration in my life since he fronted the band Marvelous 3 way back in 1998 and I got know to him through many interviews for my old music zine, Planet Verge. Those of you who have followed me since I began writing my book, Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s (pending publication) may even recall a blog I wrote on the book website at the start of 2012 when I was in the middle of the writing process titled “Take 2012 One Day at a Time.” I mentioned how Walker’s song, “Take Tomorrow (One Day at a Time)” is a great motivational divorce anthem. You’ll hear a lot about his music and therapeutic/ feel good songs from other artists in my book, too. Gosh, I wish you could all read it now!

Anyway, listen to “I’ve Been Waiting For This.”  Walker describes it as a coming of age movie, but in a song.

Let me know what you think!