Why I Left…

walking away

My fellow Trash the Dress Facebook girls decided to post the seven reasons why they decided to get a divorce. I loved the idea of getting it all out there and decided to follow suit and post mine as well.  My hopes were that someone else could relate to what I went through and see that no matter how far down another person can drag you down, you can always claw your way back up.  I have those same hopes for my first Trash the Dress Blog post.  So…here we go!

  1. My ex-husband is an addict.  I knew this going into the relationship but he had been clean for about five years.  To this day I do not know what triggered him to start using again but he was using all of our savings to get high for the last year of our marriage.
  2. I found out he was using because he overdosed twice.  The first time, I stuck by him, got him help, got him in rehab and myself and my family rallied around him and provided him with a wonderful support system.  He overdosed again about three months later, I woke up in the morning and had our son in my arms, walked down the stairs and found him slumped over the kitchen table, covered in sweat and overdosing on three different drugs, two of which he was injecting.
  3. Affairs, affairs, affairs.  I found a pair of underwear in our laundry pile and he swore up and down and even picked a fight with me when I confronted him with them.  He promised me he had no idea where they came from and vowed to “get to the bottom of it.”  Crazy I know and I hate to even sit here and type that incident because it makes me so mad at myself to this day that I even believed him.
  4. While he was in the hospital recovering from his last overdose I looked in his phone for the first time in our entire relationship (red flag again I know).  It was there that I found he was a member of ashleymadison.com, that disgusting website for married people to go on and have affairs. Seriously, the tag line is “life’s short, have an affair.” He took the best picture of us and cut me out of it and used it as his profile picture.  Makes my stomach turn thinking about it.
  5. He tried to alienate me from my friends.  He would always encourage me to go out with them but when I was out the texts and phone calls wouldn’t stop.  One time when I was out to dinner he called and accused me of cheating on him and demanded I come home right away.  I did (stupidly but I was so upset that staying through a dinner wasn’t an option) and we got into the worst fight I have ever been in in my life.  When it was all over he just looked at me and said “I know you would never cheat on me, I’m sorry.”
  6. He lost a lot of weight when he started using again and to mask that he started doing steroids so I and his/my family wouldn’t notice his weight loss right away.  Let me just say that “roid rage” has a whole new meaning to me now.  Not only was it the overall way he treated me but I saw him break a standing fan right in half when I refused to hand over my debit card so he could get money out of the ATM “to help his friend fix his car.”  I have never been so afraid for not only myself but our baby that was sleeping right in the next room.  That was one of the scariest nights of my life.
  7. The lies to cover up the lies that cover up the lies.  I loved that man with every inch of my soul, with everything I had and he constantly lied, cheated and stole from me and my family.  I used to believe in forever and fairy tales, he slapped me right into reality.  My hope is that one day I will meet someone and forever will truly mean just that.


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