Where Are They Now? | Ashley’s Story

In my book, “Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s,” young divorcees speak out about why they got married and divorced and how they celebrated their new beginnings. In our new “Where Are They Now?” column of this website, catch up with twenty-something divorcees as they share details of their fabulous post-divorce lives years later.

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How old were you when you divorced? 28

How old are you now? 29

Do you feel like you truly moved on from your divorce?  If so, how long did it take you and what factors contributed?

I don’t think im 100 percent moved on. There are still a lot of triggers for me: cigarette smoke, the smell of liqour, and a couple other things, but I will definitely say I am in a much better place than I was when I was going through the divorce.

Is there anything you learned along the way that you wish you knew back then?

Listen to my gut. And as annoying as it was, to listen to people around me that had been divorced and knew deep down that I probably needed to get divorced.

 Have you accomplished any particular goals since your divorce?

Yes, I quit my job at a facility I was unhappy with and moved back home to CA with my daughter.

How did you manage financial struggles (if any)?

Luckily, I had help from my parents that fully supported my divorce and at the time I was making decent money.

 What were your biggest fears about divorce and how did you deal with them?

Being alone most definitely. I still have issue with it, but I’m learning day by day that it’s ok to go out and do things and be by myself while I do them. And going to therapy really helped

Did you divorce through a lawyer or did you DIY divorce (and if so, how?)

I luckily had a very very good and hardcore attorney. I hated that it had to be that way but my ex-husband made it very difficult for a while.

Are you living in your own place?

I used to, but leaving my career and going back to my home state I currently live with my parents.

Are you single or in a relationship?

Single!  I am definitely not ready for that yet.

How did you conquer post-divorce dating fears?

I haven’t started dating yet. I’m too worried that they will all be alcoholic abusers and that makes me sad that I feel that way.

Advice for new divorcees?

Stay strong. There is a reason that this is happening. Whether you are the divorcee or the divorcer, it’s in the plan for your life. You just have to hold on! And, in my opinion find a good therapist or counselor.

How are you celebrating post-divorce life?

Being me! Doing the things I like, eating the foods I like, and being the best mom I can be now that neither one of us are trapped by sadness.

Anything else you would like to add?

Divorce is a hard and scary thing, but it happened to me for a reason. I look back on my life before I got divorced, and my marriage was good in the beginning. But, then I started making changes that I thought would help my family–going back to college was one– and then everything started falling apart.  I’ll never know why because my ex-husband cannot give me an answer as to why he made certain choices. Please don’t mistake– I’m not totally innocent either– but the choices he made were way more detrimental than mine. Sometimes I wish I knew the answers, but then again, I think, maybe I dont need to know.  sSometimes that’s the best you can hope for.

 

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