Recently I had the experience of witnessing what happens when two people in a relationship have different parenting techniques that clash and overlap one another. Whether you’re married or dating it can be difficult to raise children. But when you new beau and you have vastly different parenting styles, watch out!
It’s no secret that parenting is easier when both adults share similar parenting styles to make things flow and mesh well. However, what if you are dating post-divorce and your significant other and you do not share the same parenting ideas for discipline and one of you over steps the other’s authority?
I witnessed someone taking that step with their partner’s child and so I had to share this experience because I am guessing this isn’t the only case where someone over steps with their partner’s child(ren).
I am curious as to how other people, especially young divorcees, in these situations handled it?
Did they instantly jump to the defensive or did they wait it out and see if the person’s parenting style or technique worked? Obviously, no one wants to argue in front of children.
I have never thought it was appropriate to have adult conversations, throw a partner under the bus, so to speak, while children are the audience, and I definitely do not think fighting of any sort is tolerable when children are present or could overhear.
In the situation I watched unfold, the parent whose authority was over stepped watched as the other person disciplined the child who refused to cooperate by tasting a new food. Now I agree, some children are strong willed and it may take some serious actions to break certain bad habits of kids at any age. Granted, the technique the parents used worked on the child it was not with the consent of the other parent and possibly a conversation should have occurred before the overstepping because prior to this event the two parents had never had a discussion about each other parenting or disciplining the other’s child(ren). In this situation the parent waited until the kids were asleep and they could discuss it privately.
This is often a fine line in any relationship even for married couples. It’s as if the parents (usually us mom’s) become territorial over the children and like any mother lion we become defensive and extra protective of our cubs. This is something many dads I’ve asked feel less compared to us moms. This may explain why men can and are typically the harder disciplinarian and authority.
It doesn’t explain what one should do about it though when two people have two different styles or parenting. If it isn’t discipline, it will be something else that arises with children that could have the potential to be an issue. If one allows cookies for a snack when the other only feels fruits are acceptable, how do you compromise with your kids in the middle?
Is this a deal breaker of there is two completely different parenting styles in a relationship?
How do you address this before and/or after someone over steps?