Kelly’s Divorce Tattoo

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Trash the Dress private online young divorce support group member Kelly shares her divorce tattoo (above).

“I got it on what was supposed to be my wedding anniversary- about three weeks before my divorce was finalized,” shares Kelly. “It symbolizes breaking free and flying after my divorce, and also a double meaning since my wedding theme was based on the peacock feather.”

Kelly’s been flying high since her divorce. She’s remarried and expecting her first baby! We’re so excited!

How To Be On Your Own.

I’m writing this blog for myself as well as for all of you. I want to explore the loneliness and depression that can follow after a failed marriage. I was going to write this blog a while ago, as I knew it was something a lot of us had struggled with, but to be honest I found it really difficult. How could I help others until I had helped myself? How could I give any advice until I followed it? And how could I conquer loneliness?

Starting with the most obvious- get a pet! Cats and dogs make amazing companions. Dogs can contribute to a massive improvement in their owner’s depression. They bring companionship, physical touch and make you feel wanted/needed. Exercise is a great mood lifter and the added routine of dog walking can be greatly beneficial. There is also improved socialisation through meeting other dog walkers. Dogs can be a proven aid to panic attack sufferers and you know what? Dogs can be really really funny! And what’s better than something that makes you laugh?

And cats. How cute are cats?! Cats are just so bloody cute. Why look at cute Internet cat pictures when you can have the real thing? If you work a lot and a dog doesn’t fit your lifestyle then cats are a great option. They don’t make much mess, don’t need walking and are mostly up for just sleeping and getting occasional cuddles……..I think maybe I used to be a cat in a former life.
If you’re thinking about getting a pet please please go to your local rescue centres and give an unwanted pet a home. There’s plenty of lonely animals as well as lonely people in this world.image

Routine, routine, routine! Yup. Get yourself in to a good routine. They say it helps for kids and you know what? We’re just bigger kids. Join a club and go every week! Arrange a cinema/film night with friends. Join the gym and go. Plan how you will spend your week so you know when you will be alone and when you will be around other people. If you’re like me, you struggle to spend anytime alone. Then, you could aim to alternate nights of going out/seeing friends with staying home alone. Plan what you will do on that alone time with rough times if needed:  6:00 p.m. – make dinner, 6:30 p.m.- eat dinner, 7:00 p.m.- clean up, 7:30 p.m.- watch a chick flick (or if you’re like me it will just alternate between Twilight, Pulp Fiction, Human Traffic and Donnie Darko), 8:30 p.m.- eat an entire bar of chocolate…….
9:30 p.m.- take a nice, relaxing bubble bath, 10:00 p.m.- speak to online friends and get ready for bed. This is just a rough idea to get you thinking about planning on how to spend your time. I panic a lot; the thought of being alone scares me. So this way, I can think about how the time will be spent and make it pass easier.

If you’re on the oppersite side of the scale and you’re struggling to go out at all, then aim to go out and plan something to do at least once a week!image

Healthy eating and exercise.  I really can’t expand enough on how important eating the right food and getting plenty of exercise can influence your mood. If you’re eating properly, your sugar and hormone levels will all be much better and provide increased energy to enjoy life. You don’t want to be lethargic and depressed! I’m not saying cut out chocolate and weekly takeaway because you definitely deserve the treats! Just think about making healthy choices and eat food that will help. Here’s a link to some food directly linked to helping with depression on Natural News.
Exercise was probably something that helped me the most when I was feeling down. Getting to the gym most days was great for focusing my mind on something, socializing and also great for realising anger! As well as trying to keep myself in shape and improving my self confidence, of course.

Conquering bad thoughts. It can be extreamly upsetting and tiring going over the same thoughts in your head that can be associated with getting a divorce. I think you know what I’m talking about. Self doubt. This does nothing for your self esteem. If you find yourself sitting there thinking of reasons why you are on your own, ‘Did I do this or that wrong?’, ‘Was I too needy?,’ or ‘Was I just a rubbish wife?,’  ‘Could I have been better?,’ etc. then I suggest for every down-on-yourself thought you have, add two positive affirmations of yourself. For example, ‘I should have been a better wife’ should be followed in your head with ‘I’m really funny and I make people laugh.’ Try and do your own version of this remind yourself why you are awesome! For me the big one is, ‘No one will ever love me’ but at least I know I can say ‘I’m a really loving person and I have my so much to give.’ Become aware of your thought processing and take control of it.image

If you’re really struggling with depression, then go and see your doctor. There is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed. You know you have been happy before and trust me you can be happy again, it’s just sometimes people need a bit of help on their way. It’s up to you if you want to take medication. There’s no right or wrong answer, its just personal choice. But counseling is a great therapy and I don’t know many people who wouldn’t recommend trying it even for a short time period. Sometimes an impartial ear is all it takes. Counselling is not about giving you answers or someone else telling you what you should or shouldn’t do, it’s about someone completely non judgemental helping you in a confidential environment. It’s about omeone to listening to you and helping you to go through your thoughts and come to your own conclusions about things that may be causing you some trouble in life.

These are just a few ideas I thought might be helpful. Hope you find something that works for you. Remember you will be happy again.

Emily’s Divorce Tattoo

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(Guest blog)

I’m Emily, 27 years old. Married at 25, unfortunately it was to the wrong person. After eight years of being with one man, I realized marrying him was the greatest mistake of my life.

Why the greatest mistake? Because of the lessons I learned.

I was in a manipulative, destructive relationship. I became this quiet, submissive, reserved housewife that would do whatever her husband told her. I lost my friends, my family, most of all I lost myself.

This past December, I realized what I had to do: I packed a suitcase and left, never turning back. I lived out of my car for three months, staying with different family and friends along the way. I tried to figure out where I was going and where I needed to be. A friend reached out and gave me a place to live, a family to support me, provide lots of laughs to give me the strength to move on.

With losing myself, I lost my confidence. I had it drilled into my head that I was worthless and no one else would ever love me. I have had many revelations. I now have new home, new car, new state of mind, new me.

This divorce has been my fresh start, my rebirth of sorts. I am a big believer in Taoism, a Chinese philosophic tradition founded by Lao-tzu, advocating a life of simplicity and naturalness and of noninterference with the course of natural events, in order to attain a happy existence in harmony with the Tao.

I had wanted a new tattoo for years. I had been reading up on some Chinese symbolism, I came upon the story of the cicada- a bug which comes out of its shell and is a symbol of new beginnings and rebirth.
So when I saw this it jumped out at me! However I did not want a bug tattoo on me, so I chose to use the Chinese character for the actual word cicada as my divorce tattoo.

The artist who did my work warned me at the beginning of our session that it might hurt…. I lived every day of my marriage in loneliness and pain, and after being with him for eight years there is no pain I can’t handle. I have no regrets and I have learned more about the world and myself over the past six months of my life than I ever knew. I know what happy feels like again. Being alone is less feeling like alone than when I was married.

“Through working in harmony with life’s circumstances, Taoist understanding changes what others may perceive as negative into something positive. Life itself when understood and utilized for what it is is sweet.”

Love my divorce tattoo!!

Michelle’s Divorce Tattoo

Trash the Dress private online support group member Michelle shares the story behind her divorce tattoo:

“After months and months of crying myself silly, to the point where I couldn’t catch my breath, I came to realization that I could do anything in life, as long as I remembered to breathe.”

Her tattoo also doubles up to honor her “new life” hobby, scuba diving! Breathing is the rule of diving.

Detailing her former marriage Michelle says, “I’m a UK expat living in the United Arab Emirates, thousands of miles away from my family and my true best friends. I got cheated on in a Muslim country (by an English guy), after giving up uni and everything to be with him over here. When I finally told my mum (six weeks later) everyone expected me to move home, but I held my head high and made a new life for myself.”

Go girl!  We’re totally loving your hot purple nail polish and that bracelet you’re rockin’, too!

Paloma’s Divorce Tattoo: Free Bird

Trash the Dress private online support group member Paloma got this tattoo after realizing that the only way to be happy with life is to live a life you’re happy with.

“This quote means a lot to me,” she shares. “The birds symbolize being free and the quote represents me dropping weight (both physically and in the form of her ex-husband) and drama.”

JulieAnn’s Divorce Tattoo

Whenever Trash the Dress private online support group member JulieAnn is feeling down, she just has to glance at the divorce-inspired tattoo on her wrist for motivation.

“In the months leading up to my divorce I had a horrible tubal pregnancy, had chemo, and was deserted by a husband who said he’d always be there,” confides JulieAnn.  “When I was healthy enough to get a tattoo, this saying was one of the things that pulled me through everything. Whenever I have a bad day now, I always look at my wrist and remember I’ve been through worse and this too shall pass.”

She’s right.

 

Kaity’s Divorce Tattoos: Anchors Away

Trash the Dress private online support group member Kaity got married when she was merely 19 year old. What was she thinking?!

Reflecting, Kaity says, “I been with him since I was 14 and thought if we could make it through our teenage years together then we could make it through anything, right? So wrong!”

On their first wedding anniversary, the pair got each other’s initials tattooed on their ring ringers. “Yes, I broke the cardinal rule,” acknowledges Kaity.

“When we split it was a constant reminder of regret and hurt. I didn’t want to get it removed so my tattoo artist and I came up with the feather to symbolize freedom. I absolutely love it! It reminds me daily that even if one day I do get remarried I will not be the girl to let another man cage me and form me to what he thought was the perfect woman like my ex did. I will always have some form of freedom.”


Kaity didn’t stop there. Her second celebratory divorce tattoo is an anchor/ cross/ heart design on her inner wrist. It symbolizes faith, hope and love. “I had lost all of those on this journey but I got this tattoo to remind me that as long as I believe in those things I will be OK.”

And she will!

Jeannie’s Divorce Tattoo: The Key to Happily Even After

Trash the Dress private online support group member Jeannie shows off her skeleton key divorce tattoo. Totally LOVING this? Us, too!

“I got this shortly after I seperated from my husband of 3.5 years,” shares Jeannie. “The key is to remind me that I am never locked in any situation. I can always get out. It says ‘always a lesson, never a failure’ because my marriage was not a failure, but a lesson in life. I stayed married for three years too long because I didn’t think I was strong enough to be on own. Well, the divorce is final tomorrow, and I have never been happier.”

Congrats, girl! Divorce party ahead? We hope so!

Ashley’s Divorce Tattoo

Trash the Dress private online support group member Ashley shares the inspiration behind her divorce tattoo:


“You could call this my divorce tattoo. It sums up everything I changed about my life between the ages of 26 and 29,” shares Ashley.

“I was diagnosed with type II diabetes in the summer of 2010, at the age of 26. I spent the following year changing nearly everything about my lifestyle, dropping over 100 pounds, and sending the diabetes into remission. Then, in the summer of 2012, I was laid off from my job, which had shaped the previous three and a half years of my life. Six weeks after that, I left my marriage of six years (we were together nearly 15 years, all told) and my first relationship ever.”

Pretty devastating, right?   But Ashley was able to sum up her feelings in a single quote, which she commemorated with a divorce tattoo.

“I got this tattoo- my sixth- as a 29th birthday present to myself in January 2013. It’s a quote from my favorite book (The Stand, by Stephen King) and it summarizes my feelings on everything that’s happened. Plus, my ex didn’t like my tattoos and I was so excited to get this one, knowing that no one was going to resent seeing it on my body!”

Divorce Tattoos

Thinking about it?  Below are inspirational divorce tattoo ideas.