Mallory Trashed her Dress in a Color Run!

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Trash the Dress private online support group member Mallory trashed her wedding dress. She shares,” After my divorce I decided I would love to trash my dress. I ran the color run 5K when it came to my town and welcomed the corn starch paint as they threw it on me at each station. I stood out that day at that race, but most of all I felt not only proud but free!”

Love it!

 

When Diamonds Aren’t Forever…. Here’s Why Brittany Trashed Her Wedding Dress and You Should Too

Guest blog from Trash the Dress private online divorce support group member Brittany.

1002629_607747815942619_2071855550_nAs soon as I saw pictures of women trashing their wedding dresses, I knew that was something I wanted to do. After my divorce, I struggled to get closure, despite the fact that the divorce was my idea. I knew where he and I went wrong in our marriage. I knew what I could have done differently, as well as what he could have done differently, but there was still something that just didn’t feel right.

Shortly after getting married, I became a different person. So different that I didn’t even recognize myself. Within a year of our wedding, I gained 120 pounds. At one point during our marriage, I lost 80 pounds, but ended up gaining all of it back.

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Our divorce was finalized in August of 2012, and I began to focus on a whole new me. I lost 90 pounds. My entire attitude and outlook on life changed. But there was still something inside me that felt tied to the past. Something I struggled to let go of.

I realized that I had let my marriage and my ex shape who I was as a person. Somewhere in our eight years of marriage, I had lost myself. And I knew that part of getting closure would be figuring out who I was and finding myself again; finding the person I was prior to getting married. I had gotten so accustomed to being referred to as “them” or “his wife” or “Mrs.” that I just lost myself along the way.

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The first step was starting over with things we owned together. Despite the fact that he didn’t want to keep anything besides his clothes and a few random possessions, I knew that I didn’t want to keep any of it. To this day, over a year later, I still get confused looks when I say that I don’t want our china or our silverware. But for me, part of starting over and finding myself again involved putting as much of the past behind me as possible.

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The second step was doing something with my wedding dress. I had many friends tell me that I should donate the dress to a good cause. My family fought me when I told them what I wanted to do, but ultimately, I was the one who needed to take that step and get the closure I so desperately needed. In the end, they accepted that I was going to do what I wanted to do regardless of what they thought. I contacted a friend who is also a photographer and asked her if she would consider doing a “trash the dress” style shoot with me, and I got an extremely excited “Yes!”

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Prior to doing the shoot, I tried on my dress only to discover that it no longer fit. So instead of having me put it on, we came up with other ideas and ways to trash it. The feeling I got when pulling the dress out of the bag and dragging it through the mud and dirt and branches was so liberating. I was finally beginning to feel like I had the closure that I was looking for. After dragging it through the woods, we hung my dress up and I squirted it down with paint. And then used my fingers to spread the paint around. We then proceeded to set the dress on fire. Watching as the dress was slowly becoming unrecognizable was one of the greatest feelings in the world.

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The session as a whole was incredibly therapeutic and helped me get the closure for which I had longed. Had I listened to what others told me to do and sold the dress or given it away, I think I would still be struggling with closure.

I am to the point now where I can look back at the past and feel numb to it. Instead of feeling sad or angry at everything I went through, my marriage and divorce helped to make me the person I am today and helped put me where I am in life right now.

For any women out there who are struggling with their divorces, if you feel that trashing the dress is something that might help you to get closure, go for it, even if you get criticized for your decision.

1209248_607748742609193_1679412682_n(REMEMBER: BE SAFE WHEN PLAYING WITH FIRE! MAKE SURE YOU EXTINGUISH!)

No one else has been where you were.

No one else is standing where you are right now.

No one else can determine what it is going to take for you to be okay with your past and for things to not hurt anymore.

You are the only one who can decide that. So find whatever you think will bring you closure, and seek it out. You are worth it!

Trash the Dress. Live your Dream.

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(Thanks to the photographer on the WWW who shot this beautiful image! We’d credit you if we knew who you were.)

Did you celebrate divorce in your 20s by burning your wedding dress? This Burn Halo song is your anthem!

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It’s funny how songs take on new meaning as you listen to them at different phases of your life.  When Burn Halo’s debut album was released in 2009, I was busy celebrating divorce in my twenties by launching an online music show for my ‘zine, Planet Verge.  My book, Trash the Dress: Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s (pending publication), was a mere untitled thought in the back of my head. I couldn’t begin writing about how I survived my divorce until I actually made it through to the other side, which took about two years. So destroying my wedding dress—and the fact that women even did this—was not part of my reality, and maybe no one else’s either back then since the trend has only recently taken off.

Ironically, during that time, I interviewed Burn Halo and we talked briefly about relationship advice. One of the band members provided a gem: “Don’t get married until you’re 30.” Ha!

You can actually watch that on an outtake interview clip:

But back to the music.

The Burn Halo song “Gasoline” has been popping up on my iPod shuffle a lot lately and I can’t help but think of all you ladies who celebrated divorce in your twentied by burning your wedding dress. This is your anthem!

Listen:

Lyrics stolen from YouTube:

Burn Halo – “Gasoline”

My life should have been better
Its getting hard to keep it all together
But I know days like this will pass
Maybe I should have been a little different
Maybe you could have been more patient
Maybe we let it go too fast

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

You know baby you were my desire
But then you went and stepped into the fire
I know it got pretty bad
I thought we could make a little music
You know I never really thought that we would lose it
Maybe we let it go too fast

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory, yeah

You checked out from the moment
Didn’t think it was over
I gave you the best of me
Got my collection of photos
And an old box of letters
Gonna soak ’em up in gasoline

Down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
Every last memory (Every fucking memory)

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down (Every fucking memory)
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory (every least memory)

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down every last memory

I’m burning down, down, every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
Every last memory

I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down, down, down
I’m burning down, down
I’m burning down every last memory

And wait! Watch a live performance of the acoustic version:

Emily’s Trash the Dress Style Divorce Photo Shoot

Guest blog from Trash the Dress private online divorce support group member, Emily.

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When a friend introduced me to the Trash The Dress Stories of Celebrating Divorce in your 20s, I didn’t realize the impact it would have on me personally.  Everyone who gets divorced talks about starting a new chapter. For me it’s not just a new chapter, it is about writing an entirely new book.

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The process of trashing the dress helped me obtain closure on that last chapter of the last book.  And my ex-husband said I’d only wear the dress once! Ha! I was inspired by the other women who decided to destroy their dresses and decided to do the same.

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There are two songs by Rascal Flatts that actually helped inspire a lot of the shoot- the first being “Changed,” which speaks of coming up out of the water, a baptism of sorts. The second “I’m Moving On,” with the lyrics “I’ve dealt with my ghosts and faced all my demons, finally content with a past I regretted.”

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The photographer who shot my wedding, Dana at Happily Ever After Photography, put it perfectly in her description of our session- “Sometimes ‘Happily Ever After’ means moving on!”  She was very instrumental in our shoot as she would remind me to either think about my past and help me remember some of the passion, the anger, the hurt, or to think about looking out into my future and seeing what good things are to come.

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Through the healing process I’ve learned that I have a love for reading and have been picking up different books as recommended. One is The Language of Letting Go by Melodie Beatty, which has a particular passage referring to being yourself. This was a new concept for me as I had just molded myself to what was expected out of me, from my husband, peers, friends, family and even co-workers. Learning to be myself, I’ve discovered I’m pretty damn awesome! (I’ve had some help learning that one along the way.)

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My trash the dress session was incredibly therapeutic. I recommend doing the things you need to do to obtain closure, not to care what people think of your actions because in the end, you are the only person who walked in your shoes and you are the only person who can really understand where you were then and where you are going now.

1069800_10151593199218402_319568923_nPLEASE USE CAUTION WHEN DOING TRASH THE DRESS STYLE PHOTO SHOOTS IN WATER! AVOID DEEP, ROUGH WATERS. REMEMBER, WET DRESSES WEIGH YOU DOWN AND MAY CAUSE DROWNING.

 

 

Phoenix from the Ashes: Part 2 of Nicky’s Trash the Dress Divorce Style Photo Shoot

Remember Nicky’s “Seeing Red” trash the dress style photo shoot? She destroyed her dress but still had it hanging around. So what’s a girl to do but burn it- along with few wedding pictures while she’s at it!  Here’s part two of Nicky’s stunning shoot. G’day, mate indeed! (That was my corny and subtle way of reminding you that Trash the Dress private online divorce support group member Nicky hails from Australia!)

 

 

Breathless. Beauty.

Beach Babe: Trash the Dress Divorce Photo Shoot

Trash the Dress private divorce support group member and Break Away 5K founder, Heather, trashed her wedding dress during a beautiful beach shoot.  The setting was only fitting, as she got married on the beach in the Dominican Republic. After her shoot, Heather donated her dress to The Wedding Dress Project, which helps victims of domestic violence cope with and grow beyond their experiences through art.

Please note that Heather is wearing a dress made from light, flowy material and did her shoot in shallow, gentle water. It’s important to take precautions when doing trash the dress style photo shoots in water because wet, heavy dresses will weigh you down and raging waters may cause injury or even death. As we know, that’s how Canadian newlywed Maria Pantazopoulos met her tragic death.

Celebrate safely, ladies!

Miami Divorcées “Trash the Dress”

Photographer John Paul recently began offering his “trash the dress” style photography services for Miami divorcées. Watch the WSVN TV’s Deco Drive segment. Here are some of his photos:

Love this one! It’s another example that you don’t need to wear your dress to trash it.

 

This Girl is on Fire

Well, actually, her wedding gown is up in flames.

Remember how Louise from the UK covered her gown in blood, found a gay zombie husband and rolled in graveyards before going clubbing? That was fun, but the result left her with a cupboard that smelled deader than her marriage. So what’s a girl to do but lay her dress to eternal rest? Watch Louise trash her dress.

Ashes, ashes, this girl will not fall down.

Why I Zombified My Very Expensive Wedding Dress

Here’s a guest post from Louise over in the UK on how she trashed her dress! Louise covered it in blood, found a gay zombie husband and rolled in graveyards before going clubbing. Clearly the most fun anyone ever had in a wedding dress! 

 

(Meet Louise, who perhaps would’ve become a zombie if she stayed married!)

Maybe other divorced women know the feeling. It was like a big white reminder of everything my life was supposed to be and it sparkled sadly at me every time I opened the wardrobe.

I loved that dress, at the time. I’m short and overly curvy and it took me a long time and many tears before I’d found a frock that fit and made me feel like a proper bride.

When the marriage went tits-up (I suppose that’s a pun – do you have that phrase in America?), I found myself a social life I’d never really had before and the kind of friends who have dressing-up boxes under the bed ready for any costume opportunity.

When October 2011 coincided with my divorce being finalized I ignored my mother’s horror and got the frock out of its plastic wrap for the first time since my July 2004 wedding.

At first I wasn’t 100 percent sure I’d go through with it, but after a trial run where my gay best friend helped me see if I could still put it on (it had been a three-woman professional lace-up job at the time) I knew I was desperate to do it.

On Halloween night I had an army of ghouls and a zombie groom on hand to spatter blood, tangle hair, prod white contact lenses and push me in bushes. It became some sort of crazy adrenaline rush and most definitely a symbol of my newfound freedom.

We went out to some clubs and I was asked for about a million photos. My gay zombie groom and I invented a new back-story for every person we met. We’d been lovers/brother and sister/shipmates until he/I caught syphilis/dysentery/scurvy and died of a broken heart/stabbing/walking the plank.

One bar we went into had spent hours carefully constructing an indoor graveyard display, complete with real soil. Obviously I took one look and dived in. I was nearly barred for life. I enjoyed it.

I exorcised a lot of demons that night.